


Human Touch

by TheSpiderThatKnowsThePlan



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Denial of Feelings, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:08:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25884847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSpiderThatKnowsThePlan/pseuds/TheSpiderThatKnowsThePlan
Summary: Castiel's entire existence has been turned on its ear by Dean Winchester.He feels the creeping influence of his continued exposure to the mortal world and Dean Winchester's attitude and antics, and finds himself distracted from his mission with minor cases that do nothing to forward Heaven's plans. He's also beginning to question his Father's orders and motives more and more every day.But it's just being on Earth in a vessel way too long, becoming more human. Trying to exercise some Free Will, instead of being a mindless soldier.And he's doing good deeds, helping out his friend.That's ALL.He's definitely NOT falling in love with Dean Winchester.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Lyrics from "Human Touch" by Bruce Springsteen.

_You and me we were the pretenders_   
_We let it all slip away_   
_In the end what you don't surrender_   
_Well the world just strips away_

Castiel had been doing just fine for thousands upon thousands of years before the night God sent him into the pit to retrieve Dean Winchster. His assignment had been clear: find the soul, pull him back to his body, and set him on his mission to stop Lilith from breaking the Seals and releasing Lucifer. After Dean emerged from the earth where his brother had buried him, Castiel then sought to speak with him and relay God’s assignment to him. Despite several attempts, though, the human only seemed more agitated and bewildered, apparently unable to perceive an Angel’s true form and voice. He even employed a friend with certain psychic gifts, and though she could hear him, she could not look on him, and she paid a horrible price.

This confused Castiel, since God apparently had hand-picked Dean to carry out His work. How was he not one of the elite, someone with whom Castiel could communicate? And if he was God’s chosen, why had he been in Hell?

(He would soon learn that that was, perhaps, the _least_ confusing thing about Dean Winchester.)

Fortunately, Jimmy Novak’s prayers came at precisely the right moment. He was a very good man—loyal, kind, a loving husband and father, and faithful to God. He heard and saw Castiel in his true form without pain or difficulty and readily accepted the celestial presence in his body. This meant abandoning the man’s family, which brought Castiel no joy, but such things sometimes must be done in service of the Lord.

******

Being in a vessel after so long away from Earth is interesting, to say the least. While Castiel is not subject to the, frankly, dizzying array of human needs, he realizes that he has missed having skin and nerve endings, a way to feel things, like the cold air on his face and the hard pavement under his shoes. He notices his eyes are watering a little from the wind. He wiggles his toes, then his fingers, and then his nose, repressing a laugh.

How long has it been since he's laughed?

Thankfully, he is still insulated and fortified by his Angelic self. He hears Dean, along with another human, performing a summoning spell as clearly as if they were in the same room, but their incantation is meant to bring forth a demon, not one such as he. Still, he knows Dean is just looking for answers, and Castiel is finally able to speak to him.

So, off he wanders into the chilly night in search of his charge.

Castiel isn't sure what to expect when he walks into the barn (also, who performs summoning spells in a _barn_?), but he knows the humans will most likely try to harm him, considering what they suspect he is. He sends a few waves of holy energy out from his vessel—a mere pittance, really—and lets the roof shake, the doors break open, and the lights blow out one by one as he approaches. This, he figures, really should be impressive enough to demonstrate to them that he is not to be trifled with, but to be respected and granted their rapt attention.

When Dean steps toward him without hesitation, his stance alert and defensive, Castiel quickly understands exactly why his Father chose this man: he is brave, resourceful, and competent. What he has forgotten, though, was how having a vessel alters Angelic perceptions.

As a being of pure light, the Angel looked on his charge and saw just another mortal: fragile, terrified, and limited in understanding. Through the lens of Jimmy Novak's human eyes, though, Dean Winchester appears larger than life, and twice as beautiful.

It isn't as though Castiel has never been on Earth in a human form and looked upon other human beings, but this feels entirely new. Before, he always had a clear and simple mission: find the offending being, smite them, and return to Heaven. Now, though, he isn't here to kill or fight, and he has the opportunity to look at Dean and appraise him physically, mentally, and emotionally.

He is tall, lean, and athletic, with long legs that somehow curve outward at the knees. His golden skin and hair frame glittering green eyes and high cheekbones, and it is the type of face that effortlessly dances the line between "pretty" and "rugged", with his strong jawline (that keeps clenching unconsciously), almost-too-perfect five o'clock shadow, and incredibly soft-looking lips.

Dean is also stony as Hell, his expression a suspicious snarl even as he offers thanks for his rescue.

While Castiel is busy acknowledging Dean's rightful appreciation of his daring feat (and definitely not admiring Dean's beauty at all), the Hunter decides to drive a dagger directly in Jimmy Novak's heart. It doesn't cause Castiel any damage, seeing how it's clearly enchanted against demons, but something in him still _hurts_ over it. Even though he can't feel the dagger, he can feel Dean's intent to destroy him.

It seems very unjust, considering the incredible thing he did for this human. It also seems foolish that Castiel didn't see that coming from a mile away.

He realizes almost immediately, though, that Dean's issues run deeper than a lack of gratitude or faith in God. Beneath the angry, misanthropic front Dean presents, there hides profound sadness, seemingly endless guilt (Father above, the _guilt_ this one carries around inside him!), and the certainty that he isn't _worth_ saving. Even after seeing as much of Castiel's true Angelic nature as he can show, Dean still can't fathom that any force for Good could even truly exist, let alone that such a force would take an interest in him. Dean's anguish radiates off of him, and it is devastating.

_Father above, this human has had only a handful of years in Your universe, and he already thinks You have abandoned him. He doesn't think he deserves Your attention or Your help. This is a **travesty**._

It makes Castiel want to enfold Dean in his arms (and also his wings), soothe him, and protect him from all the terrible things he's experienced, rather than subjecting him to more of it. He wants to make Dean feel like he can put his burdens down and let someone else look after him, even if it's only for a little while.

This is the first moment in his existence that Castiel, Angel of the Lord, considers rebelling against his Father for the sake of Dean Winchester.

It will hardly be the last.


	2. Chapter 2

** HUMAN TOUCH **

_Ain't no kindness in the face of strangers_

At least two more seals are broken by the time the Angels receive word about Anna Milton. Castiel is pretty exhausted from traveling back and forth to Earth, and from trying to balance his loyalties to Heaven and his fondness for Dean. As it is, he has confided in the human he's already come to think of as _his Hunter_ that he has doubts and questions about God's plans, and about what is even right or wrong anymore.

Meeting Sam Winchester has only made things more complicated. Castiel had a preconceived notion of what he thought "the boy with the demon blood" would be like, and Sam has lived up to exactly none of it. Yes, he is very large and imposing at first glance, and every bit as formidable in battle as his brother, but he is not frightening. He is soft-spoken and kind—he even shook Castiel's hand and said it was an honor to meet him after pulling a freaking gun on him. Frankly, he's kind of adorable.

He is also a perfect foil for his older brother. Where Dean is brash and sarcastic, Sam is thoughtful and gentle, and although Dean usually masks his deeper emotions under his tough façade, Sam brings out Dean’s protective, brotherly streak, which is the closest thing Castiel sees to love on the elder Winchester. Sam is the heart Dean wears on his sleeve.

That does not make the power given to him by Azazel any less dangerous. In fact, it might be even more insidious for its seeming usefulness in the good fight, for the way Sam is able to rationalize its use. The road to hell, and all that. It still doesn't excuse the cruel way Uriel spoke to Sam after the rise of Samhain. Yes, he was wrong to go against the Angels' warnings and use his powers, but he is a warrior on the side of Heaven, and he deserved better than Uriel rubbing salt in the human's obviously-still-raw wounds about his history.

Castiel thinks he would have handled things better than Uriel did, and he definitely loathes the Archangel's outlook on, and treatment of, humans. ( _"Mud monkeys"?_ Castiel should have ended him then and there for speaking that way about Dean and Sam.)

In the case of Anna Milton, though, they are in complete agreement that she needs to die. She might be human, and she might not remember being an Angel, but she is regaining her ability to hear what Dean has dubbed "Angel Radio". Not only is that something Hell would _love_ to have—complete access to all of Heaven's conversations, plans, and strategies—but it's only a matter of time before she becomes a danger to everyone just by existing.

She was powerful as an Angel, commander to both Uriel and Castiel, and she was also a rebel. She chose to fall and become human, rather than obey. What happens when she regains her memories, her Grace, or (Father forbid) both? What will she be capable of then?

But something else about her makes Castiel's insides squirm. It's the way Dean looks at her. She's very pretty, by human standards, and she's small and in distress, which of course is appealing to a hero. But she looks at Dean, too, and her look is different. Her eyes glimmer with something beyond the sadness and helplessness she tries to convey...

And that's it, Castiel realizes. She _tries_ to convey her victimhood over the loss of her human family and seeming frustration over the voices in her head, but the Anna he knew—clever, self-righteous, and above all, _covetous_ —lurks just beneath the barriers in her mind. He sees her looking at Dean as something she _covets_ the way she did her freedom from being an Angel.

He just fears for his Hunter's safety, that's all, and his suspicions are confirmed when he realizes that Anna has managed to get Dean into the backseat of the Impala and... she’s _taken_ him.

She's taken Dean the way she took her humanity, and the way she took back her Grace when she decided she wanted it again. Impetuously, aggressively, the way she just takes everything she wants, the consequences be damned. Anna is a weapon of mass destruction, with or without her powers, and now Dean is just another casualty.

Not that he seems to be complaining.

Not that Castiel notices.

And then she plays on Dean's guilt by giving him that "I forgive you" nonsense when he chose Sam over her. Why wouldn't he? Sam is his family, his blood. Anna's just some manipulative beast who used Dean to get her Grace back.

She even tries to convince Castiel to spare Dean from having to torture Alastair, claiming it’s somehow in Dean’s best interests, rather than her own contrarian desire to go against whatever Heaven commands. And yes, OK, she ends up being correct, and she saves him from Uriel, but then she turns her back on him when he asks for her help now that they’re both rebelling against Heaven.

Figures she wouldn’t actually want to help anyone when there wasn’t something in it for her. Like sex with Dean.

(Castiel doesn’t care about that. He _doesn’t_. It’s just unfortunate that she managed to fool Dean into thinking she was at all good or kind.

Then again, maybe Dean doesn’t care if she is or not.

Maybe that stings more than if Castiel thinks she betrayed him.)

Unsurprisingly, she turns on Dean and Sam (and Cas, by transitive properties) by going back in time and trying to murder their parents. She claims she’s doing it for the greater good, to prevent Sam’s birth and eventual corruption, but she would also prevent Dean’s existence, and… Castiel just cannot abide that. It is not Dean’s fault, or even Sam’s fault, that this thing was done to Sam. To _them_ , to their family. Dean and Sam have lost everything except each other, and they’ve still spent their lives doing good things, helping people. The Winchesters do not give up. Now Anna wants to make sure they never even exist?

Castiel can’t say he is sorry to see her burn at Michael’s hand.

Anna seduced, betrayed, and nearly annihilated his Hunter. His _charge_ , rescued by Castiel on Heaven’s orders. Maybe Castiel is questioning his brothers and sisters, whether Father is even involved in whatever war is coming, but he knows Dean, inside and out, and will not abide anyone threatening him, or Sam.

The Winchesters are his _friends_ , and they always treat him with kindness and respect. They trust him, and Cas intends always to deserve that trust. He loves them, and he hopes one day to deserve Dean’s— _their_ —love in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is going to be told in a series of vignettes of events from the show, told from Cas' point of view. I will post the smut chapter separately (since that was the first thing I had envisioned), for those that want to jump right to the good part. LOL

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Destiel fic, and I had a lot of trouble trying to figure out what I wanted it to be, what direction to take it, etc. I may still keep figuring it out as time goes on, so bear with me.


End file.
